Michael Phelps Stripped Of Medals After Chinese Discover Small Outboard Motor In His Ass

It is a sad day for America at the Olympics.

Michael Phelps, who seemed unstoppable and virtually unbeatable, has been stripped of all his medals and will no longer be allowed to compete in any more events.

Turns out the acclaimed swimmer had a little extra help in the form of an outboard motor discreetly hidden in his ass.

For weeks we've heard explanations about why Michael is so fast, including his long torso and his remarkable endurance, but during a recent record-breaking swim, a sharp-eyed, Chinese official noticed a strange protrusion in the swimmer's backside.

Turns out it was a eCycle 6hp outboard motor - a top of the line motor intended for use on small boats and yachts. Not Olympic swimmers.

How the swimmer was able to hide such a thing in his ass, let alone operate it, remains a mystery. But Michael did it and now the world can only shake it's head in shock.

"This explains his incredible speed and also the small wake he produced in his swimming lane," said one Olympic Committee member.

So for those of us who doubted that a human could swim so fast, there is now, sadly, confirmation.

And Michael joins the ranks of other disgraced super-athletes like Marion Jones, Jose Conseco and Floyd Landis.

Yes, it is a sad day for the USA.