Doggism

Old school religions like Buddhism, Judaism, Christianity have had their day. Let’s face it, they just ain’t working. The world’s a mess.

New religions such as Kabbalah and Scientology are sure to be mere flashes in the pan.

So we propose a new religion based upon the wise and superchill teachings of Calvin Broadus, aka Snoop Dogg.

We ask you: Who has always got it together, who never loses his cool?

That’s right, Snoop D-O-Double-G.

So why not do what the Dogg do, people?

Doggism will borrow heavily from the life of this notoriously calm, cool and collected rapper. And most importantly, the religion will be easy as fo sheazy to follow – just like one of Snoop Dogg’s joints.

Here’s how to get with Doggism; simply do what Snoop Dogg do to chill and you will come to see the world as a better place.

Things will slow. Life will become more peaceful. And there will be a lot more weed everywhere. A whole helluva’ lot more weed.

It's based on a simple philosophy Snoop laid out on Conan's show the other night.

It's easy: Instead of meditation, Snoop likes to smoke a spleef and vacuum. Yep, that’s all you need to do to follow in the ways of Doggism. Grab your vacuum, clean your rug and light up.

It works for the Dogg, so why fight it? And unlike all the other religions, this is by far, the most chill. No services, no confessions, no fasting - nothing except vacuuming and smoking.

Whenever you’re stressed, just reach for the holy instruments of the faith and worship with one long drag and some quality time with your Hoover, Oreck, or Dyson. Pick your flava’, it’s up to you.

And then, you too, can be like the Dogg.

Become a follower of the Doggism today.

Oh, and be sure to chill till the next episode.