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Advice from Murray Spatz

Murray’s the schizophrenic with multiple personalities that lives above our office. Each week we hide his meds and wait to see which personality comes out. He’s got 27 in total (both female and male), so he’s oddly qualified to answer almost any question.
This week Murray is personality 17 - Susie, the Campus Slut

Dear Murray,

This Valentine’s Day I was thinking of taking my husband on a romantic, hot air balloon ride. Do you think he’ll like it?

- Up, Up and Away

Dear Up, Up and Away,

I'll make this real simple babe. Men like one thing, tits and ass. Or maybe that's two things. Who cares?

What I'm trying to say is that unless you're talking about giving your hubby the ride of his life on your "balloons" or as I like to call them "funbags" - forget about it.

Valentine's Day should be about you opening up the playground of your body to let your man perform all manner of unspeakable act. Any woman that thinks otherwise, ain't got a clue.

Watch one of my movies like, Ass Plunderer or Ream Me a Dream, and that'll give you some great ideas.

Cause honestly, while you're wasting your time planning this hot air ride, your hubby is probably on the internet, desperately downloading pictures and videos of young, nubile, little minxes shoving who knows what up their mantraps.

So this Valentine's Day is the perfect day to take your man back. This is supposed to be the day of love. And for a man, that means only one thing - ramming his man meat in every available orifice.

Trust me on this one. Your husband will thank you in ways you never even imagined were physically possible.

And rest assured, this will put more hot air in his pipe that any balloon ever could.

 

 


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