Ron Jeremy’s Penis Claims New Book is All Lies

Ron Jeremy is out promoting his new book The Hardest [Working] Man in Hollywood and his penis isn’t happy.

Through a spokesperson, the penis claims that much of the book is largely inaccurate and in many cases, outright lies.

“Ron didn’t consult me at all and that’s hurtful, since I am such a big part of his life and the book,” said the dispirited prick. “I'm trying to protect my long, upstanding reputation.”

In recent legal documents, the penis contests many of the claims made by the well-known porn star in the book.

Ron's claims are detailed below and are accompanied by a response from his penis:

Ron’s ability to auto-fellate (suck his own penis) is the greatest joy of his life.
Well, maybe it’s great for Ron, but I’d much prefer having a hot blonde slobbering all over me.

Even though Ron’s chubby and a bit hairy, the ladies love him.
They love me! That hairy, fat fuck wouldn’t get near any pussy without me.

Ron’s penis is 9 and 3/4 inches when erect.
I’m 10 1/2 inches, even on the coldest day in February.

Ron has acted in over 1700 porn films.
You call that shit acting?!@!

Ron is not at all ashamed of his career.
His career?! It’s all me baby. Everybody knows that.

Ron’s penis is currently in talks with the publisher, Harper Collins, to work out some sort of settlement. Our sources reveal that the publishing company is offering him a tell-all book deal in which he can present his side of things. The working title is, Shooting My Wad: The Story of Ron Jeremy's Penis.

Look for the book next December.