Captain! My Dick Just Can’t Take Any More

Move over Bunny Ranch. There’s a new brothel coming to Las Vegas and it’s going to conquer the entire brothel galaxy.

In what may turn out to be one of the best business ideas of the year, Star Trek: The Brothel is about to take off and is expected to hit warp speed soon.

Star Trek fans are arguably the most committed of all fans out there and will travel any distance, dressed as a Klingon, Romulan, or their favorite Star Trek character to be with others like them.

But just think how far they would go, or more importantly how much they would pay, to relive all their favorite Star Trek episodes and encounter willing females every step of the way.

With that in mind, the Maloof Brothers, who already own the Palms Hotel in Vegas, purchased the rights to the Star Trek brand and created the first mega brothel based around the original Star Trek series.

We decided to check it out ourselves and here’s what we found.

Captain’s Log, Star Date January, 2008: We began our tour in the engineering room where Scotty ordered a group of female technicians to thoroughly work our warp drives, until they were up and running like a dream.

Then with our spirits roused, we were taken to the planet Vulcan, where we took part in the mating ritual of T’Pring with a dead-on Spock look-a-like. For a mere $1000, we emerged victorious and earned the right to mate with a Vulcan woman of our choice.

Nothing could be more satisfying, especially if you’ve gone without for seven years like Spock.

And for those who like it rough, get taken hostage by an angry Klingon battleship and be brutally savaged by female Klingon Warriors.

There’s really something for everyone, even for those of you like Captain Kirk, who like your women green or blue.

However the highlight of our tour was the “out of this world” experience provided in the “No Troubles with Tribbles Room”, wherein you get naked, lie down and are immediately swarmed by thousands of the little, Tribble creatures who massage every inch of your body.

There’s no faster way to transport your body off planet to another world of ecstasy than this!

To date, the brothel only covers the original series of Star Trek. In the coming years, if all goes well, the Maloof Brothers plan to build out rooms for the others Star Trek series, such as Deep Space Nine and The Next Generation.