Academy Decides to Pull This Year’s Show

Sorry folks, you’ll have to wait till next year to get your fill of the fabulous dresses on the red carpet and acceptance speeches that go on for far too long.

The Academy surprised everyone by deciding not to run this year’s 80th Annual Academy Awards.

The reason is quite simple: There’s been no particularly good films this year.

“We just felt it’s already December and there’s been nothing at all memorable or even worth going to the theater to watch this year,” said Academy spokesperson Jan Brenner.

Yes, it's true. The stars didn’t shine so brightly this year.

Dustin Hoffman got paid in Mr. Magorium’s Emporium. Robert Redford, Meryl Streep and Tom Cruise slept walked through Lions for Lambs. Al Pacino…where was Al Pacino? Must of gone into hiding with DeNiro.

The only real star to come through this year was Denzel, but you can’t do 3 hours of Denzel. He’s got some of the worst acceptance speeches in history and he’s too young for a lifetime achievement award.

“What really put a nail in the coffin for Academy members was the fact that we couldn’t nominate Judi Dench for anything. We really love to nominate her and she disappeared this year. What’s an Academy Awards without Judi Dench?” sighs Jan Brenner.

Brutal honesty like that is hard to find in Hollywood.

So this year curl up with a good book, or rent a movie from a year when the movies were great.