Osama Been Los Angeles

Osama’s tour of America, in which he is getting to know his enemy and rebuild his hatred for everything American, is on the move.

Weeks ago we reported that he had been seen in Las Vegas. Today, Al Jazeera released recent photos of the terrorist spending time sightseeing and experiencing firsthand, the god-forsaken infidel’s whorehouse that is Los Angeles.

For Osama, it doesn’t get any worse than LA. It is the source of all decadent Western entertainment, as well as the home to equally decadent, yet delicious fast food like In-N-Out and Pinkberry.

Osama began his tour in Hollywood, joining a busload of Japanese tourists. According to many of his fellow sightseers, he was generally enraged and disgusted by what he saw.

“He didn’t like any of it - the dirty streets, the crappy souvenir shops, even the celebrity look-a-likes in front of Graumans. But then, I can understand because I thought they were crap too,” said Hideo Matsumoto.

According to other tourists in the group, Osama ended his Hollywood sightseeing tour by urinating on the Walk of Fame star he despises most – Bob Saget. It seems “America’s Funniest Home Videos” still plays in heavy rotation in most Arabic countries.

Later in the week, he was spotted picketing with writers on strike, hoping to recruit the most disgruntled among them to work with him on bombing a major studio. Many were approached, but only writers from some of the worst sitcoms considered his plan (namely ex-writers from “Something About Jim”).

He ended his time in Santa Monica, strolling along the beach and relaxing, calling those who passed by “whores and infidels” - something he loves to do whenever he gets the chance.

Where he’ll show up next is anyone’s guess. In the meantime, the Department of Homeland Security advises everyone to “be afraid…very, very afraid.”