Japan Releases New Computer Gremlins

The Japanese have struggled domestically with their gremlin population for years. Fortunately they have been able to keep them in check and not one has ever escaped the country.

Yet last month, gremlins began appearing stateside in the US. How it happened is still unclear, but Japanese officials claim it was purely accidental.

Not since WWII has the world outside Japan seen the mischievous and destructive power of the gremlin, who bedeviled pilots mercilessly during the war. Sabotage was their game, causing malfunctions at the worst of times.

Unfortunately, these little creatures haven’t changed much since then. Except now, they’re after your computer.

Recently, many software developers have witnessed firsthand the gremlins in the wee hours of the morning or late at night. They seem to show up right as a person is finishing writing code. Unfortunately, by the time a person sees them peek around their screen or run from their mouse, invariably it’s too late.

“There’s really nothing you can do to stop them,” says software developer Ryan Thomas. “I’ve tried smashing them with my hand or with a rolled up magazine but they are just too fast. I’ve literally stepped out to get a coffee and returned to my desk to find my code a jumbled mess or my machine making horrible noises and inoperative.”

After a gremlin attack, all you can do is hope you can retrieve your work and then comb over it to find how it’s been sabotaged. A process which can sometimes take days.

Elaine Hurst, a student from Northwestern, describes her experience, “I was writing a 30 page paper and had just finished it. Then I saw what must have been a gremlin. He smiled at me and then ran and jumped into my computer through a USB port. Soon my entire paper was thirty pages of “Have a nice day” repeated over and over again. I could only cry."

The destructive power of this new wave of gremlins could cost the US 2 to 3 billion annually in lost time and output. Corporations don’t know what they can do to protect themselves, since gremlin insurance or anti-gremlin software simply doesn’t exist.

So for now, all anyone can do is pray that the little gremlins don’t sabotage their computer.