Health Tips from Dr. Immel

Country Music Causes Retardation in Rats

Stunning news from the lab of Dr. Immel. Recent tests indicate the increased likelihood of retardation due to prolonged exposure to country music. Although these results are limited to rats in the lab, this study does have major implications for humans.

Just watch an old episode of Cops, if you need real world proof.

Within the lab, rats received a daily dose of some of the most popular country music from Toby Keith, Billy Ray Cyrus, Trace Adkins and Garth Brooks. Effects were noticeable within the first week in rats, perhaps because their brains are so small.

It began with more frequent fights between male rats. Then more dramatic changes came about. Soon rats starting losing a front tooth here and there and some grew out their hair in mullets.

After a few weeks, rats exposed to the country music began sleeping with cousins and then moved on to their sisters.

Rats that normally slept burrowed in the shavings at the bottom of the cage, suddenly sought refuge elsewhere in makeshift homes in old toilet roll tubes, much like humans moving into trailers.

IQ’s began to drop and the country music rats weren’t able to complete even the simplest of mazes. Instead they chose to sit around, drinking alcohol made from an ingenious process of fermenting rat droppings, shavings and water.

How they came up with that still puzzles the researchers.

Despite this one anomaly, the overall results were consistent and should persuade anyone to resist any hankering they get for some good ole country music.

But for those of you who just can’t stop – Shop at iTunes