USA Today to Offer New Napkin-Sized Version

In a bid to capture the ever-expanding market of Americans who like their news in the form of a headline and perhaps a few pictures, USA Today announced plans to unveil their latest offering, a newspaper that is also a napkin.

"USA Today has always been at the forefront of providing Americans news in a very digestible format. We revolutionized the business. It used to be newspapers were laden with all these words and deep analysis and we just threw that out the window. An entire newspaper on a napkin was the next logical step for us," says USA Today spokesperson Tom McElroy.

For the businessman on the go or perhaps the weary traveler on a plane that wants to fit his drink, complimentary pretzels and paper all on the same little fold-out tray table, this paper is ideal.

Test marketing has revealed that people love this new approach to the news, with many people expressing the fact that less news is more. Research proves that most Americans are intimidated by a large paper and this new napkin format with 4-6 headlines is perfect. It prioritizes all the major stories and delivers them in less than ten words.

And if that wasn't enough, napkin-size newspapers take less time to read, use less paper and also are great for sopping up small spills or serving as a drink coaster.

Tom McElroy sums it up neatly, "Can you imagine how much smarter Americans will be if they get their news with every drink? Just think about it for a second, the new napkin newspapers could have that sort of effect."